Week 2

Well it's been 2 weeks down and time to check in. I'm not going to sugar coat it, it's been so hard. I feel so depressed right now with things. I had a monthly finally come after a year. It's thrown me for a loop. I've never had as much loss in blood than I have this month. Even after having all my kids! It made me so dizzy. I ended up dropping down on my food plan and it helped a lot to have the extra calories, but it didn't help the scale at all. So here's the officical weigh in numbers:

Starting weight: 270

Week 1 weight: 258
Week 2 weight: 257

Total loss so far: -13lbs

Although I'm very happy with the loss and not gain I'm still a little disappointed. I need to not be so hard on myself. NOT gaining and even losing just a lb is HUGE. I'm going to be starting some at home working out and hopefully that will help out. I'm also going to get doing my work book. What work book you ask? Well I'm following Dr. Andersen's Habits of Health and Take Shake for Life diet. So I have a HOH book I read that helps me and a work book to work though.

Anyways that's all for now. I'll be back with some thoughts and feelings soon.

Week 1.

Well I made it through week one.....barely. And I totally do not mean that barely lightly. I wanted to quit MANY times but I kept doing what I was doing and it paid off TONS. Here's my numbers:

Starting weight: 270
First week weight: 258
Total loss -12 lbs!

I'm so excited for the weight loss!!! It's nice to SEE the numbers after so many years of just working my butt of to have it barely move, or worse not move at all. I really want to follow through this for at least a month. I want to be healthy (and skinny) badly. It's worth the sacrifice now. But man that first week was rough. It helps me NOT make a bad choice. I was reading on one of the blogs and they said that by calling when you eat a food you're not supposed to as cheating it creates a negitive thing in your mind and can be damaging, which I agree, so I won't be saying "cheating" but instead saying I made a bad choice. I did make a bad choice once and I regretted it so much because it set me back with everything I had worked days for. After first TSFL (Taking Shape For Life) is hard because you're so not used to the lack of calories or the taste of the food or anything.

I'm planning on starting to work out on Monday. I'm going to start with just some walking, and by some I really mean A LOT. My goal is to be able to run a 5K by summer. I really want to do it this year! How many times have I told people I'm running a 5K only to never do it. I've done one 5K in my life many many years ago and the accomplishment I felt at the end was AMAZING! And I only walked it. I want that buzz, the high again. So that's my goal. SO off to another week!

A new start.

I haven't been on this blog for over 2 years now. That's so crazy to me. It's time to start it up again. I'm going to do this! I'm starting my final weightless journey. So as I sit here typing this up I decide to listen to music and what is the first song that comes on? "Who Will Save Your Souls" By Jewel. How fitting. Really how are you supposed to help anyone if you won't help yourself first? This is so true to me. I'm tried of thinking someone else will help me or push me, when really who it comes to down to is me. That's it. I can't rely on anyone else for my own happiness or my own success. I have to rely on myself. I've done a lot of changing over the last year or so and I'm very proud of who I've become and who I'm becoming, but I need more. I need to take control of the rest of my becoming. And it's time. Did you know that most people will make New Years resolutions 5 years in a row before doing something serious about it? 5 years?! That's insane to me! BUT, I look back at home many years now I've wanted to lose the weight only for a year to go by with many more pounds ADDED on. I'm done. I'm not happy, I'm not healthy, I'm not ME. I know that might seem weird to say that but it's not. The person I am right now typing this is not the person I know I am, or who I want to be me. I feel like I've been trapped for SO many years in this body. Just a shy small person without a voice, wishing to come out but scared out of her mind to try. With the help of the therapy I've had over the last year, I now have a voice. I"m a much different person than I was a year ago. I'm much more sure of my voice and my thoughts. I know what I want and I'm not afraid of speaking up for it. I've worked the last year on being able to do that. Now it's time to take it to the next level. Now it's time to break down this barrier that's preventing the REAL me to shine through. It's time to do things for ME. My baby will be four this year, she's not much of a baby really. I'm done with that phase, and as weird as it may be for me to think I'm done with it, it gives me such a surge of excitement and hope! I'm excited to move on at the new stage, at the new life I'm going have. I know this is it. I've found a great friend that's a wellness coach. She's going to help me do this. I know it's going to be hard at times but it can't be any harder than looking at myself in pictures, or the mirror and hating what's looking back at me. Or at not being able to go have fun with my kids and being embarrassed for them and for me that I couldn't do it cause I am so overweight. I'm tired of feeling like I'm failing on that. I'm tired of putting so much into my fear and my past and letting it hold me back. I'm done with it. I'm done with it holding tightly onto what I want, and who I am. It's time to leave it in the past, where it belongs.

So here's my beginning weight. 268.4. Ouch. To think about a year and half ago I had gotten down to 220...It's time.